Finding LMNO
by 501Cub
Summary: A comedy about Bella and Edward as they partner up to find Alice's dog LMNO in six days. LMNO takes them all over America and brings the pair together as they battle their demons and leave their own infatuations.
1. Chapter 1

"Hey Saul, it's Bella... well I guess you're out. Tsk. Uh, call me... Oh this is Bella. Bella Swan and it's 12:40 PM!"

I clicked the off button and looked at Alice. She had a pained look on her face. I covered my face with my hands and mumbled, "that bad?"

"Uhm-- it wasn't so bad... he'll call!"

I removed my hands and she gave me a reassuring smile. She swung her long jet black hair in front of her and held up a silky strand.

"How do you think I'll look with short hair?"

I couldn't think about that right now. Just then Alice's dog came in, LMNO hopped on my bed. I groaned and picked up my feather pillow and tried to scoot him off. He was a little thing, remarkably like Alice, but fat, heavy and greedy. I told Alice she spoilt him.

Alice scooped him off the bed and put his little fat face close to hers and muttering nonsense to him.  
"Isn't she a bad bad girl.. ooh, little sweetums! Aren't you a cutie! Aren't ya? You love mommy... you love mommy! DOn't bother with her! I'm so proud of you! You jumped so high!"

I laughed. "You really shouldn't brainwash your dog, Alice." I brushed off some fur from my green comforter. "He's going to be staying with me for the week!" I stuck my tongue out to the side like I was dying. Alice put down LMNO, who licked her ankles and then nestled down at her feet.

Alice turned to me with her hands on her hips. She sighed. "I can get someone else if you want..."

I looked up hopefully. She looked hurt. I ground my teeth and smiled. "I'm kiddin', I'm kidding... I'd love to look after LMNO and clean his poop and watch as he destructs my apartment..."

"Come on.. be serious!" She frowned.

I sighed. "I'll look after 'little sweetums' Alice, all for you."

She grinned widely and did a little pirouet over to me where she hugged me. She smelt strongly of doggy powder.

She danced over to my full length mirror. "Great! So you didn't answer my question, Bella."

I stared at my phone and tapped the receiver impatiently. Willing it to ring. Willing it to be Saul...

"What question?" I muttered, not really paying attention to her.

"My hair. DO you think it will look good short?"

"What do you think?" I threw back at her.  
I thought the idea of throwing back Alice's questions was clever and indeed it was because she never noticed. It's always like she's been waiting for me to ask her her opinion.

"I think it will suit me perfectly! My hair is so long, it makes my face look smaller and I look shorter---"

I smiled and said my 'mm-hmms' at appropiate intervals.

Alice plopped down next to me on my bed and brushed a strand that was dangling in front of my face behind my ear.  
"Talk to me... are you worried about Saul?"

Of course I was thinking about Saul. I really liked the guy. I met him through my friend, Jacob, girlfriend, Renesmee. We met up at Jake's club, Indigo, last Friday night and had brunch together on Saturday. It was perfect. We exchanged numbers and he said he'd call me but it's been three days.. Oh, only three days Bella!

"'Cos he'll call!" Alice continued and muttered a threat under her breath about what would happen to him if he didn't.

"Oh I know, Al. And it's not that!" I lied, smiling back at her.

"I'll miss you so much! You're going to Turkey..."

"Aww, well you know it's for my Archeology. And I feel so bad leaving you to pick out your own clothes! Well, I guess that's a lost cause right there..."

She looked critically at my stretched up promotional T- Shirt that said Geriatric Dentistry Volunteer and my once-upon-a-time black jeans.

"Oh, come off it," I giggled, scooting under my blanket. "But is that really why you're going to TUrkey or are you trying to trail Professor Jasper Hale?"

She hit me over the head with her thin hand. I just laughed some more. "No, I happen to really like artifacts-- and biofacts and what-not."

She jumped off my bed and grabbed up her red coat. "And if I stay here any longer to watch you challenge that telephone to a combat with your eyes, I'll never finish packing. Don't forget to come by me tomorrow to pick up LMNO's food and vitamins and his shampoo and little closet... okay? I'll leave a message on your answering machine... I'm pretty sure you'll be watching that closely. Come here LMNO, come here sweetums! Ooh, mommy loves ya!" She nestled her nose to his and then spun him around to me and I dived under my sheet away from him.

"Say good-bye to Aunty Bella now. Later Bells!"

I peeked out. "Good-bye Alice... now I really can't wait until you get back."

Alice chuckled and closed the door behind her. It wasn't very long until I heard her canary yellow Porsche zoom down the road. 


	2. Chapter 2

**hey! well hope u review and thing!**

Alice's apartment always makes me feel claustrophobic. It was larger than mine by far but she'd always buy something that she didnt't need and have it all about.

I fiddled through the cramped hallway. I could hear music blasting from her bedroom and I knew that's where she would be. Just as I walked pass the kitchen I stepped on something slippery and it squeaked. I stumbled and held onto an ancient looking umbrella stand that I had no idea why it was by the kitchen. It was a rubber porkchop. Alice came out. She was just barely pulling over her black turtle neck.

"Bella! Are you okay?" She asked, helping me up by my elbow. I picked up the rubber porkchop and looked disdainfully at it.

"What is this doing in the hallway!"

"Oh, that's LMNO's favorite toy. He always leaves his toys about the house."  
She shrugged and moved back into her room. Oh! So 'sweetums' left his toys of mass destruction anywhere he pleased, did he? Well, well.  
I followed Alice into her room where she was stuffing two red suitcases.  
I eyed her turtle neck.

"I hope you packed some cooler clothes. I heard Turkey is pretty hot.."

"Oh, I did but it's December so it'll still be a little crisp. I'll change on the plane anyway."  
She zipped up her last bag and dragged it out. Outside I heard a horn beeping and she ran to the window to look out.  
"Oh no. The van is here to collect me. Oh, Bella. Little LMNO is in his room and here... these are his vitamins. Take one every other day...."

"Me?" I asked flabbergasted, fingering the little ziplocked bag.

Alice ran over to something and heaved it up in her arms. "No, no," she snapped impatiently. "The DOG. This here is the food. He only eats organic pet food, but it's okay because I have so much food here. His toys are all in his room except his rubber chop, which you THREW INTO MY GRANDMA'S OLD UMBRELLA STAND! BELLA!"

She stepped into her flip flops and fished out the rubber porkchop and threw it to me. "This one is important! He loves this toy. I generally don't dress him unless he's going out so I'd advise you to do the same. And, Jesus Bella, keep up with me here!"  
I followed her doggedly, my hand fill with dog food, vitamins and a slobbery dog toy.

"He needs a belly scratch TWICE a day. You need to scratch him tonight or he won't sleep. Oh and the vet said he needs to take walks twice daily. I haven't gotten round to doing it. So.. you know. Anyway, I have to go. Muah Muah!"

She pulled open the door and then spun around.  
"First, RECAP! GO!"

I rattled around my brain. "Err, Vitamins every otherday, feed him organic, dress him when he goes out, favourite toy is the steak and scratch his fat belly everyday-- twice a day ! Oh and walking... walking, walking... twice daily!"

"Good, good. Honey, Come on sweetums, come here to mama!"

LMNO came out from a pile of clean laundry that Alice hadn't gotten round to putting up and I jumped dropping the food. He licked Alice all over her face and then she put him down and swung out her black curtain of hair and picked up her red suitcases.

"Later Bella!! I'll video chat with you everyday so I can see my baby, alright?"

"Yes, yes... now go!" I urged as I heard the van hoot impatiently.  
She ran over and hugged me and then blew a kiss to LMNO who barked and hopped about lamely.  
As she reached the doorway, a tall guy came up and handed her something. I knew who he was. He was Alice's older brother, Edward. He looked sleepy and his hair and clothes gave some hint that he had just rolled out the bed.

"Oh! My passport! Tell Esme thanks for me! I can't believe it--" she muttered as she pulled her luggage out to the hall. Edward looked at me and waved half-heartenedly.

"Oh, hey Bella. Want some help there?"

I was tugging the rubber porkchop from LMNO's mouth. I grunted. "Nah, nah." and then muttered under my breath to LMNO. "GIVE. IT. TO. ME. GIVE IT! GIVE IT!!!"

Edward stooped down and whistled lowly. LMNO let go and ran over to him. I topped back into the laundry. "Umph," I growled.

I picked up the remaining items I would need. I swear LMNO had more clothes than I expected. Edward was still entertaining LMNO by the time I gathered everything up and lugged it to the doorway. He stood up with him in his hand.

I snorted. "So, he likes you, eh?"

Edward grinned and ran a hand through his hair. "Nah, he absolutely detests me. I'm really surprised actually. I guess he still doesn't like you much huh?"

I frowned. "No... but don't worry it's mutual." and I pulled back my finger as LMNO was about to snap at it. Edward took him down for me and when he left, LMNO started to yelp SO loudly, people on the road probably thought I was dognapping him. I winded up the windows and blasted Spice Girls.


	3. Chapter 3

As soon as I shut the door to my apartment I sighed. Finally! I could still see the surprised look of the security in the make-shift 'lobby' of my apartment building when he heard my handbag barking.

Oh god I should have _known_ better! There was a strict policy about pets here.

I threw down the keys to my recently upgraded beat up Chevy. Really, i dunno what the upgrade was though. I guess the biggest thing is that i no longer have to manually wind up my windows.

Quickly, I let the barking beast out of my little black tote before he ate it to pieces!

"Oh, you couldn't shut your yap, could you? Almost made me had to undergo an inspection!"

I put him down gently on the floor and turned on my heel to the phone. Two messages... hopeful, hopeful.

Easy now, Bella.

I pressed the little black button on the dial and squealed as I heard my monotonous message tone.

I even ignored the sound of my hallway linoleum having its molecules rearranged by a savaged, bloodlusted, sabre toothed canine. Oh not really but anyway!

Then I started feeling annoyed. Why the hell would I put such a long greeting message. A long greeting message that gave clues as to _whom _I'd prefer speaking with. I have to change it. If Saul was to hear this he'd immediately hang up thinking I was some loser. Some stalker.

Which granted I was. I had had Alice dress me up (incognito, heck yea) and I'd follow him to Vancouver. I remember leaving him a message asking him how he'd been and if he'd checked out Vancouver lately then Alice smacking me to remind me I was suppose to play cool and not even have a slight clue as to where he was.

Oh life.

The beep. Oh the nanoseconds of that beep weren't fast enough for the blood that raced to my heart in that moment. Congealed there. Like I was having a heart attack or something. I clutched unto the computer desk nearby as I heard breathing in the speakers.

A rush of thoughts enveloped my head that moment. Oh _god_! And oh _god _I'm sorry for using your name in vain so much these past five days. Jesus, Mary, Moses, Abraham, the other Mary... please please please! I can't beg for anything more. I've never been so excited that I almost pissed my pants since the little Jonas brother squeezed my hand at the mall in Seattle two years ago.

And oh why! _Why_! For Pete's sake did I not recognize that breath when I first heard it? Why! Hadn't I been listening to it every day, every hour of every day since I moved into this place. My breath rushed out like a geyser and I felt as deflated as Nicole Richie's breasts without the wonder bra. But what did I know what it was like to be her breasts? Why had my thoughts taken a horrifying turn down this path?

It was mom. Checking up on me again. Geez!

" ...and I just wanted to ask how that hospital job is working out and oh! Guess what? Did you guess? Oh you'll never guess-"

Then why the hell do you want me to guess woman?

"Your Aunt Bett came over today! All the way from Connecticut! She's pregnant! Sure, a woman of her health and age... it probably wouldn't be wise but an addition to the family! I'm psyched! Are you psyched? Oh we have so much to talk about. Our chats are getting briefer by the minute. I feel like im getting the cold shoulder here-"

And that's about the point I stopped listening. Suddenly the gnawing of teeth on the edge of my front door and the relentless clawing on that same edge of that same door was like a thunder clap! My head rung and I shrugged out of my winter jacket dropping it on the sofa. My mom!

So much for the praying. I wasn't even interested in the next message. It'll just be a continuation of my mother's rant and maybe intermittently my father's.

I walked into bathroom, filled a glass of water, opened the medicine chest. Damn it! I was out of aspirins. So, I closed the medicine chest and gulped the water down. It didn't help a shit.

I heard the beep as the first message and the faint click as the new one started. I exited the room as a new voice came on. A male's. Now LMNO was barking. If he didn't shut up I'd be out on my butt on the pavements. I groaned and quickened my step crossing the short hallway hurriedly...

Wait. A new voice. A male's. Saul?

"Hey Bella, it's Saul..."

SAUL! Bless you heavenly people! I backtracked in the hallway wishing I knew how to backflip or do something cool to demonstrate how euphoric and insane with glee I was at that moment. I could live in this moment. This moment that felt like it would choke me in its sweetness. Boy...

"I'm sorry I wasn't responding to your messages. You see, I was out of town these past days... working, you know. So, we should go to dinner tomorrow night. Hope you're good. Call me back."

I didn't care about some stupid dog, I didn't care about the fact that I may be potentially homeless if that stupid dog didn't shut up and I didn't care about the fact that I was losing my fifty dollar advance on this apartment and breaching my contract by having this little Tasmanian devil snack the bottom of my front door or corrupt the smoothness of the floors. No, I most certainly did not care. I was the happiest woman to walk the earth since Eve give Adam her fruit. Oh, I was.

I never did back flip. But I sure as hell did a mean ass cartwheel.


	4. Chapter 4

**Edward POV**

I sat in the den and flipped on the television browsing through channels aimlessly.

I was bone tired.

I hadn't had a good sleep since Monday when Tanya moved back to Alaska. Then to top things off, the rockband I had signed on with as their composer for a comeback song had moved up the date for the release to January 4th. Which meant I had to finish it for New Year's Day in order for them to practice and test the tune out. It isn't coming along.

Yeah, I was quite tired.

I sighed and ran my hand through my hair roughly. I can't remember when last I'd taken time with my appearance. Probably since Monday. Ah, Tanya.

Esme, my mother, believed I was love sick. I don't know. Maybe I was. I don't _feel _anyway, really. And this is what had me up all night... these nights.

I mean Tanya and I had been going together since we were sophomores in High School. Shouldn't I at least feel some way? I believed I should but I just couldn't... no matter what. It aggravated me. My feelings for Tanya were... vast. I wanted her. Only her. But... yet. What does this say? I couldn't think of anything. And every night I would make up my mind not to worry about it but I hated leaving something unsolve, something so _big_. Of course I could ask Carlisle, my father, but he'd never understand... his one and only love had been my mother. They were made for one another. He'd think my feelings muddy. But that wasn't so. But then again, perhaps the fact that he knew true love first hand would be expert for my problem.

I missed her, of course. But , I- I don't know how to explain.

_But, but, but, but, but, EDWARD! But what?_

I knew Tanya was crushed that I hadn't called her since she went back. I'd been avoiding her calls. But, I was just afraid of what I would feel.

_Butttttt- Buttttt._

I was annoying my own self. My current state of mind could not do well with making music. I picked my beer up from next to my feet and took a drink. I had to hide my bottles from Esme, she didn't approve. And she had no reason to put up with it. I will be twenty this coming June and jobless and living with the 'rents. I refused to go to college or work with Tanya's dad in an _office_ or have Carlisle pull any strings with his contacts for me. So, this composer business was my last shot. If this didn't come along I'll just end up with a high pay job (thanks to Carlisle) that would eventually bore me to the point of insanity. I guess it was small fare to the burden I was being on them now. Not that either would complain. They loved having their children back.

Alice and I were the last left after Emmett. He was in Aspen with his wife, Rosalie, for the holidays but he lived in England so we only saw him on holidays and when he and Rose decided to take a break from London life. Then Alice left and that was horrible. I was older than her and she'd already moved out. Great.

The phone rang, literally ringing me out of my revelry.

"Mom!" I called, not wanting to get up just yet. I didn't hear a reply so I called again. Slowly, I trudged out to the sunny kitchen to get the cordless. I picked it up and then hesitated. I was too much of a coward to speak to Tanya now if it was her. I looked down at the little LCD screen. The info on the screen said B Swan and her number. I sighed and clicked the talk button.

"Hey Bella. I don't know where Esme is... you should call back in another five-"

"No, no. I- Wait, how did you know it was me?"

I smiled and leaned against the counter twirling a spoon with a little jam on it around my fingers. "Caller ID."

"Oh," she paused. "Er- well yeah, of course. Um I actually wanted to speak to you. Or are you busy?"

I shifted my weight. Bella and I had never really uttered more than a few sentences to one another all the years she'd been over here with Alice. Polite conversation, you know.

"I'm not."

"Well, I saw how great LMNO was with you and you see, I have a - er- _date_-" she squealed slightly here, i rolled my eyes, "and I was wondering if you'd take him for the night..."

I dropped the silver spoon into the sink with a clatter. "Whoa, whoa, whoa. That dog hates me."

"Yes, but he obviously doesn't mind you when I'm the other option, does he?"

That was true.

"Huh. Well what does Alice think?"

"I video chatted with her last night and she doesn't mind. She's really excited about my date."

Were dates scarce these times for Bella Swan? I couldn't imagine that. She is rather good looking. I cleared my throat.

"Well, let's say I do this... how do you plan to repay me?" I teased.

There was a long pause on the other end. I was about to think she'd fallen asleep on the phone or something when she answered. "Well... that would ... only be fair. But I don't know what to say so..."

"Don't worry, I'll think of something." I was only joking. Bella was the type of girl you really couldn't refuse. Well, refuse and feel good about it.

She sighed in relief and I had to laugh. "Thank you so much! Oh and we'll have to sneak him out. I- uh, I'm not supposed to have pets in the building..."

"What?"

"Thank you! BYE!"

**BELLA POV**

I was all ready. I twirled around the full length mirror in my room quite satisfied. I'd only just spoken to Alice via webcam and she'd approved of my style for tonight: black coctail dress, four inch stilettos, red lips, a coat of black mascara, and my hair pulled into a curly updo.


End file.
